Posted in Everyday Life, Humor, japan, Married Life

So I Quit My Day Job: My 1st day as a part-timer

That morning I woke up in a good mood. It was my first day as a part-time worker and I had the day off. I laid in bed until I was ready to start my day. After about 30 minutes of rolling around in a half sleep stupor I thought about what kind of breakfast I wanted to eat to celebrate my new life and freedom. Pancakes. That’s enough to get my lazy tail out of bed. So I get up and zombie walk out of my room to wash my face and do my hair. But wait, I don’t have to do that because I DON’T HAVE TO GO TO WORK! YAY! It can wait until after a gorge myself with my pancakes.

Ssssshhhhhhhh, not while I’m pouring.

After I ate my pancakes ( I had 3 with a wonderful blueberry sauce with real blueberries in it. Nope, I don’t feel guilty about it.) I sat for a while in my comfy chair to decide what I shall do with the rest of my day. Ultimately I decided to run some errands to get some things for the house. So I washed my face and did my hair because I was actually going to leave the house before 10 a.m. without being pressed by some unpleasant business that must be done. Huh, I guess stranger things have happened.

I got in my car and slowly started driving like a Sunday Driver. In case you don’t know what that is, its a term that we Americans use to describe slower driving usually elderly people. I usually drive like a bat out of hel…I mean with intent. Sunday Drivers make me nuts but that day I was one of them. I didn’t have anywhere to really be so I took my time with my errands and arrived home at about noon. And noon time is what time? Nap Time! Yes, an important time of the day. I put away my shopping and settle in for a nap.

Out of habit of turning off my ring tone because of work I often forget to turn it back on when I’m at home. So my phone is on silent about 98% of the time. Is that a testament about how much time I spent at work or about how bad my memory is?

I wake up about 2 hours later and check my phone. Three missed calls from my company. I panic. Did I forget about a class today? Was today really my day off? I thought we had agreed that I was only to work on Fridays and Saturdays? OMG, what have I forgotten?

So I call back my supervisor to see what was going on. I was full dread thinking that I had made a mistake and that I was an awful employee. She answers the phone:

  • Me: “Hello, I’m sorry I missed your calls. What is going on?”
  • Supervisor: “Oh, I wanted you to teach and extra class today.”
  • Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I was busy (taking my nap).”
  • Supervisor: “No problem. Btw, we need someone for tomorrow and Thursday. Also, I want to change your classes on Saturday to kindergarten classes so that means you will be staying longer.”
  • Me: “….I can help tomorrow. I’m not sure about Thursday or Saturday. Saturday is the Pajama party at Rainbow school. I already volunteered to help out that afternoon.”
  • Supervisor: ” No problem. Thank you for helping tomorrow.”
  • Me: “Sure, see you tomorrow.”

And that should have been the end of it, right? Nope, it wasn’t. This overwhelming feeling of guilt suddenly came over me. Was I being selfish for not helping out more? It didn’t matter that it was agreed that I would only be working 2 days a week for them, they called me and needed my help and I was selfish for not going in.

Later that afternoon my husband came home from work. I told him what had happened and he was completely shocked that they called me on my very first day off. And then had the nerve to pretty much ask me to work every day that week. We both sat in disbelief that my company would do such a thing. Then, I made a mistake. Despite my high sensitivity I decided we needed to talk about our finances. Mistake!

Because I went part time money will be tight for us, so I decided that we needed to make back up plans such as what to cut out of daily expenses, moving into a cheaper apartment, or even possibly moving in with his parents temporarally. We were going over all the possiblilities when my husband said that I might have to end up going back to America. When I asked him if he would come with me he said “No.” OMG, I broke down. Because in my mind this meant a divorce. I went into tears and locked myself in the bedroom. All of the guilt that I was trying to hold back came flooding in.

  • Why did I get sick?
  • Why didn’t I take all those work days?
  • Why was I so selfish and weak?
  • If this marriage fails, it would be all my fault.

I am extremely lucky that I have good friends and family. When I have days like this I can call them to help calm me down and organize my thinking. I was extremely lucky this time because I was able to speak with my Papa and my best friend. They both assured me that my husband didn’t mean what he said and that the language barrier might have caused a misunderstanding. They were right.

After a having my nice little break down and when my husband returned from is walk, we had a conversation about what happened. He didn’t mean that he wanted a divorce. What he was trying to say was that me having to go back to the U.S.A was the worst possible thing that could happen and that he was afraid because he would not be able to get work so he couldn’t go with me. Oh English, why must we do such pesky things like fully explain our ideas and thoughts? Why can we just say things and go based off of assumptions like Japanese does? I mean its harmless when my husband when my husband randomly says “akeru (open)” and I end up confused because well…Open what? Who is opening said thing? But its different if he just says “You will go back to America.” Um, bring on the panic and hurt feelings.

No worries, it’ll be OK. This was only my first day on this new journey. Let’s try again tomorrow.

Posted in Culture, Everyday Life, Humor, japan, Japanese, Opinion

Elderly Japanese Don’t want your Seat!?

Stay Out of the priority seating!

The other day I came across an article called “Japanese Commuters Are So Polite They Don’t Give Up Their Seats For The Elderly” where the author claims that it is actually disrespectful to give up your seat for an elderly person and to not even bother giving up your seat.

….Yeah, whatever man.

Just in case you didn’t get my tone I highly disagree with this author. According to Mark Andrews the author of the article, “…the Japanese actually find it impolite to give up seats for elderly people when riding public transportation.” Then he goes on to share a quote from another blogger`s experience on the subject.

“I asked my neighbor- (an elderly lady who is also my landlord) about what I saw when I use public transportation and she explained that whenever she get(s) on the bus and someone offers her a seat, she would come up with the thought: ‘Ah~ Am I becoming so old that I need a young man to give me priority?’ This would remind her, ‘ You`re getting old!”

Cheopamm, a Japan Info Blogger

Great research Mr. Andrews. I can tell that you worked so diligently to find that one source of information that had a fragment in it that could support your opinion when you have missed the entire tone of Cheopamm’s article. This quote actually has nothing to do with Japanese culture. Notice how she still gets offered a seat. Its an insight of an elderly lady’s feelings about being offered a seat. Her feelings are not a cultural fact. Hold my tea!

“I think we are told to give our seats to old people. Most of the time old people say ‘ Thank you,’ and sit. If they look kind I’ll communicate with them. But some old people say ‘ I am not old,’ and get angry. So I am afraid to give my seat. Usually I just stand up and walk away and they take the seat. It is done without communicating.”

Manami, (16) High School Student

Look at how the seat is still to be offered out of courtesy and manners. Let’s add in one that I personally witnessed just for fun.

About three years ago a group of friends and I caught the bus from our local library to the train station. There was quite a few of us but we all managed to find seats. During our ride an elderly woman got on the bus and by this time all of the seats were taken. After one or two stops a young man (Japanese) offered the elderly woman his seat. She thanked him and sat down on the seat. Then the young man stood for the rest of the ride to the train station.

In my humble opinion (Yes, I can admit when my ideas are just opinions) Mr. Andrews has made the classic mistake of taking a minor variation from the norm in Japan and is using it to make a wide generalization about Japanese culture. I find this to be very common with certain types of people who live here. So I`d like to give you what I believe is really going here.

Japanese culture usually expects that you politely refuse an offering first. This is because manners dictate that you are not to inconvenience the person who is doing the offering. After this offer has been extended 1-2 more times it will either be accepted or rejected. If there is a rejection it is usually followed by a reason such as the person is getting off at the next stop. This is the kind of cultural back and forth that is done in Japan. It consists of many apologies, insisting, and resisting.

Or…

Maybe you just came across a cranky and sensitive old person. Some people just love to be offended and take things personally. They exist everywhere. That doesn’t mean that a whole cultural system follows that person’s actions and it is certainly by no means a reason to tell people to act like ill mannered jerks when they come to Japan.

Dear readers remember your manners. Try to stay out of the priority seating (unless you need it) and if you see an elderly person who needs a seat kindly offer it to them. Stay classy my friends. Until next time. Ja’ne.

Posted in Culture, Everyday Life, Humor, japan

How Japan Has and Hasn’t Changed Me

I remember when I was a university student my then professor now friend Dr. Jayson Chun told me that “When you move to Japan one of two things will happen. Either you will adapt to the Japanese way of life or you will hold on to your culture even tighter.” At the time I thought that I would just naturally adapt to my new home in Japan. Only extremely stubborn and closed minded people wouldn’t be willing to change to fit into their new host country.

Well, I’ve always known that I was one of the two. Stubborn. I should never underestimate how damn stubborn I am. I amaze myself sometimes. Since moving to Japan I have indeed held on tighter to my culture. But it isn’t because I’m closed-minded. Its because Japan is no longer just an adventure or a stop, it’s my home. Once that reality hit my mind changed. It’s not all a complete loss. I have changed since living in Japan just not to the extent that I was thinking I would and that in fact, I do have some non-negotiables that I simply will not change.

Here are the things that Japan has actually managed to get me to change.

  1. I am a lot Quieter than I was Before– On trains, buses, and restaurants. I am a lot more aware of my volume level than I was in the U.S.A. It was just something I never thought about before.
  2. Covering up More– I never liked showing my arms but showing a little cleavage was never a problem for me before. However, since leaving the U.S. and becoming a teacher I just don’t feel the need to. Not to mention I don’t really need to show them off considering that no matter what I wear it is obvious that I am very blessed. No need to show off now.
  3. I am eating Less Sugar– This actually a great thing for my health. It’s not that you can’t find sugar when you want it it’s just when you do find it has a lot less of it. Drinks here in Japan aren’t as sweet and they do have a ton of sugarless drinks available besides water or the artificially sweetened drinks. The strange thing is that things that aren’t supposed to be sweet can be, like kimchi and potato chips. Odd…
  4. I apologize for No Reason– Apologizing in Japan is almost the same as thanking someone. Someone taking the time to do something for you so apologize for taking time out of their day to help you.
  5. My Socks– So before moving to Japan all of my socks were the same style because in the U.S. we buy socks in bundle packs of 6-10 pairs. They are all exactly the same. Well, I guess that doesn’t fly here in Japan. I had a Japanese friend stay at my home one day and she noticed my socks. She was so shocked that they were all the same. It wasn’t something I ever thought about. But I guess since you often take off your shoes in Japan your socks are kind of like an accessory piece. Of course the next day we went shopping to fix that situation.
  6. Learned to Read Subtle Hints– Japan has a very indirect culture. It is very rare for something to be requested directly. I have tried to learn how to decode and figure out what is actually needed. For example, a Japanese person will say “It is hot in here, isn’t it?’, and I’ll say “Yes, it is. Let’s open a window.” Ding-Ding Ding 10 points for me. I magically understood what was being requested of me. However, this doesn’t always work. One of the major cultural issues I’ve come across is the American tendency to solve problems. When someone in Japan doesn’t want to do something usually they come up with an excuse or a problem that keeps them from doing said thing. What my silly American self does is try to solve the problem so that the requested action can be done. Nope, minus 10 points! What I had to learn is to read between the lines and what they are actually doing is politely declining my request.

Good for you Japan. I commend your efforts and give you your victories. But now it is time to show how Japan has not managed to change me and in some cases caused me to do exactly what Dr. J said. Hold on tighter to my culture.

I love Naomi Watanabe but I just can’t stand Japanese plus size fashion. No shade on her, just her clothes.
  1. My Clothes– I love American vintage/retro style. My ideal figure is the classic hourglass shape. I love A-line dresses, corsets, and doll baby shoes. Japan has a different idea of fashion. Their classic shape is the rectangle based on the traditional kimono. That’s fine but as a plus-size gal that just isn’t going to work. Also, a lot of their modern clothes are baggy or very lose fitting. I feel like that just makes plus size girls look bigger. So I’m just going to have to say “No, thank you,” to Japanese fashion.
  2. The Work Culture– I have become more hostile about my private time. There is a clear separation between work hours and private time. Here in Japan, many people work a lot of overtime as I’ve come to experience. This has left me a bit jaded because 9 times out of 10 its for no reason what so ever. or a complete lack of organization. I used to think that it was good that I could work like them. “She’s so Japanese,” was the highest compliment I could get. But now, I’m not sure if its because I’m older and I have less tolerance for it, but I think it’s pretty rude and inconsiderate for Japanese companies to expect overtime from their employees. Luckily for me, I’m a foreigner so I’m not held to the same standards.
  3. I Stopped Trying to be Indirect like Them– Remember when I said that Japan has a very indirect culture and that they rarely ask something directly? Well, that courtesy is not extended to us foreigners. Sadly, whenever I try their method of trying to decline on doing something it often gets ignored and I end up getting roped into doing something that I don’t want to do. (at work *cough cough*) So I’m reverting back to my good ‘ole fashion American bluntness. “I’m sorry, I cannot work that day.” “No, I don’t like that lesson plan/idea.” Maybe it’s a cultural thing where they think that since I’m not Japanese that I would naturally be more direct so when I answer them in a Japanese style it confuses them and then they become more foreign in their insistence? Now, isn’t that an interesting thought?
  4. Using the “Gaijin” Smash- So for those of you who don’t know what that is, its when a foreigner purposefully goes against Japanese standards. For example, when it’s hot on the bus I just open a window. I don’t do the “Oh, its hot isn’t?” thing and hope the bus driver hears me. What the NHK man is here? I’m not home. Did this lady cut in front of me in line? Oh, I must inform her of her mistake very loudly and clearly. Before I was so afraid to be the rude foreigner and would never do the Gaijin Smash. But over time I have relaxed a bit on it but I NEVER abuse it.

So not bad Japan, your 6 to my 4. Maybe I’m not as stubborn as I thought. I’ve managed to both adapt to my new home as well as keep important cultural aspects from my homeland in my life. I think the mistake that many young expats make is that they think they will be able to completely adapt to their new environment with ease and feel guilty if it doesn’t go that way. I say don’t feel bad or guilty for not being able to adapt to your life in Japan exactly the way you wanted. Some people make it and some don’t but at least you tried.

Coming to Japan is more than just discovering a new place and culture. You’re also discovering more about yourself, your values, and what you hold dear about your own culture. Remember that and go forth. Until next time. Ja’ne!